I Now Have A New Patron Deity

Posted on July 1, 2009 by Scott Jennings| 28 Comments

Learn Starcraft From A REAL KOREAN!

My lessons are offered to only non-Koreans or American born Koreans because they lack the blessing from the Gaming God, Norazi. Sun Tzu once said, “Defiler becomes useless at the presences of a vessel.” You will be come the vessel against the defilers that treats you like a non-korean, laughing at your pitiful Starcraft skills…however, you will demolish them with the new profound skills.

Well, that’s hard to argue with!

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  • http://dsob.wordpress.com geldonyetich

    Personally, I play games because I want to enjoy them, not to hedge out some kind of high-strung work-a-holic competitive edge.

    My Google-Fu says that ByunTae is apparently a Korean word for pervert.

  • Sullee

    Nothing wrong with competition. The star leagues in Korea are the best pro gaming in the world.

    If you are interested in english commentaries go to sc2gg, click vods, and watch some by Klazart, Diggity, Moletrap, and Cholera (there are others but those are the best commentators IMO).

    It’s refreshing to see commentary by people who are very knowledgable and skilled as opposed to wannabes who overvalue their opinions.

  • http://www.damnedvulpine.com J.

    I’m confused by his mention of “defilers,” because he can’t mean Zerg Defilers in that context.

    Also, SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS.

  • Tethyss

    Protoss: $20/hr
    Zerg: $25/hr
    Terran: $30/hr

    Hmmm…

  • http://tagn.wordpress.com/ wilhelm2451

    “I will make you into the best non-Korean Starcraft Player EVER, amongst those trained by me.”

    That seems a pretty select group to join, non-Koreans trained by ByunTae. Does he run his own non-Korean trainee ladder?

  • Vetarnias

    May I ask how you come across such stuff? I can almost picture you googling random gaming words in the faint hope that something ludicrous will pop up.

  • Ratman_tf

    “Korean girls will be intrigued that you’re such a good Starcraft player. ”

    http://www.angelfire.com/ak4/ratman/awesome.jpg

  • AMIB

    I like to think that Norazi is the patron deity of MASTER BLASTER, and that there’s a shrine to him in Gankytown.

  • Freakazoid

    @Sullee
    The only Star League that exists is the one at war with the Ko-Dan Empire!

  • Raad

    hahahahhahaha

  • Jerid

    +2 points for Last Star Fighter reference :)

  • http://www.zolohouse.com/wow/phpBB2 wowpanda

    WOW!! Too bad I am just bad beyond training now. I play toss because it is easier to mass up an army, but it still hurts that he made toss training the cheapest ….

  • Belsameth

    Vetarnias :
    May I ask how you come across such stuff? I can almost picture you googling random gaming words in the faint hope that something ludicrous will pop up.

    Actually, I would like to know that too :p

  • Ardanna

    So… he doesn’t play professionally because they weren’t interested in his SEVEN figure contract prices, but instead will train non-Koreans (is he in Korea, not sure how huge a non-Korean population is there but what do I know?) for ~25$/hr – $35 for advanced!

    That’s a LOT of students and a LOT of hours he’s going to have to do to get that SEVEN figures he feels he’s worth!

  • http:///dsob.wordpress.com geldonyetich

    Apparently there’s now a Philippines version.

    Could be some New Yorker thought that’d be funny, but there’s also the possibility it’s the same guy running a scam.

    A Korean Starcraft tutor not good enough for you? No problem, he’s multi-talented in his racial gaming qualifications! Granted, the Korean girls will apparently find you fascinating regardless of which creed of Starcraft domination you were taught in.

  • Vetarnias

    geldonyetich :
    Apparently there’s now a Philippines version.

    He just forgot to change all the lines referring to the Korean language; because I’d go to a Filipino for that.

    But let’s face it, that guy is so leet he could invade North Korea single-handed. To think that even James Bond couldn’t manage it.

  • Belsameth

    172-2 with 175 kill streak

    That philippino is better then that korean. He can actually get a higher kill streak then his total kills!

  • http://www.arksark.org/blog/ Arkenor

    I wish there was an international big prize Civilisation tournament :(

    How come Starcraft impresses girls, but being a master of the UFO series never got me anywhere?

    The universe is unjust, and I suspect Norazi is to blame. At least now I know the name of my nemesis.

  • http://dsob.wordpress.com geldonyetich

    Arkenor :
    How come Starcraft impresses girls, but being a master of the UFO series never got me anywhere?

    It’s probably UFO series pickup lines.

    “Hey baby, how would you like to see a squaddie with some experience under the belt?”

  • Avecrien

    Mmm, UFO. I still has X-Com 1 on my desktop. I don’t just play it on slow days. I trick people into watching. I’ll let you know when it impresses someone, lady or no.

  • Female Gamer

    One of the key things about the whole Starcraft+girls equation is that you have to be able to play better than the girls you’re trying to impress. Things you do not want to hear from that girl include “im in ur base killin ur d00dz”.

    C’mon, you know someone had to say it! :-)

    I must be getting old. It’s been years since I played Starcraft. Too many years. Maybe I need StarCraft lessons from a 100% Korean/Filipino hybrid. Or maybe just lessons in how to squeeze 28 hours into a day.

  • Hally

    He should offer his services to Kim Jong-il. The North Koreans can whip up a team of machine-like brainwashed players to conquer the gaming circuit and rake in prize monies for the state.

    Of course, then Dear Leader would have to face the possibility that they would divert their allegiance to the Overmind. Yeah, on second thought…

  • http://dsob.wordpress.com geldonyetich

    Hally :
    He should offer his services to Kim Jong-il. The North Koreans can whip up a team of machine-like brainwashed players to conquer the gaming circuit and rake in prize monies for the state.

    I think the South Koreans have already decided which way their killing machines are pointing.

  • Gx1080

    …

  • Gx1080

    It works now, cool. About the topic… well theres always a moron outside that falls for dumb shit like that amirite?

    BTW, having mad skills dont impress girls unless those are in the bed. And even with those they are hard to please in the other stuff.

  • Keybounce

    Arkenor :
    How come Starcraft impresses girls, but being a master of the UFO series never got me anywhere?

    Seriously? Simple.

    In Ufo/Xcom, you beat up the computer. Ho hum. Yes, you’ve got night, you’ve got blaster bombs, you’ve got terror missions, you’ve got aliens that have tricks up their sleeves — the scare factor if you take the game seriously is unmatched. But it’s solo, no one else involved.

    In Starcraft, you beat up other people. You’re a nerd, and you have a chance to trounce those big bullies that … ahem. I should keep my personal life out of this :-)

    Seriously, PvP is “interesting”. Whether it’s football or … golf :-) .

    Golf is the weird exception. For a game that is basically multiple solo games at the same time, it has a big following. Must be because nobility used to play it.

    Why did Starcraft take off? Anything that is popular will become a money maker.

    Why did Starcraft become popular? Because there was nothing else in that area of gaming except Warcraft 2 (*). Because it improved on a number of flaws in War2.

    (*): Ok, C&C, but no one played that.

  • http://www.arksark.org/blog/ Arkenor

    Keybounce :

    Arkenor :
    How come Starcraft impresses girls, but being a master of the UFO series never got me anywhere?

    Seriously? Simple.

    Oh dear, no. I was being silly. I feel bad you had to type all that out.

  • Alex

    From newbie to unstoppable force in 18-24 hours of training and $450 to $840. I still think there must be better ways to impress girls, Korean or not.