The Lidless All-Seeing Eye Of Derek Smart Demands Battle Hamsters

Posted on March 22, 2010 by Scott Jennings| 24 Comments

The cavalcade of fun that is Derek Smart’s stewardship of an MMO continues apace.

Once we run out of back-story in the lore, then we’re just to going start making up stuff. No, seriously, we are. Since David, Hue and Jason are gone now, we can do anything we want. We already have, uhm, battle hamsters. So we’re going to expand on those and take it from there.

The biggest issue I have is that with all this new-found exposure, under load, the server CPUs may very well heave themselves clean out of their sockets, blow past the fan, bid farewell to the memory chips on their way out and make a clean exit out of the cage.

Yes, that’s the plan. That and the fact that we’re going to focus all our efforts on fleshing out the battle hamsters, since Elves — of any kind — are flat out banned from the game.

I’m scared. I’m very scared. Can you hold me? Fine. How about a hug then?

Look, all the man wants is a battle hamster, CAN’T YOU HAVE SOME COMPASSION?

This entry was posted in Alganon, Battle Hamsters, Derek Smart. Bookmark the permalink.
  • JuJutsu

    Nerf battle hamsters!

  • Athryn

    Are they giant space hamsters?

  • Doombot

    Please let battle hamsters be a euphemism for something.

  • http://geldonsgaming.blogspot.com geldonyetich

    Adventures! Do you have the mettle to clean the litter of unending strife?

  • Stormwaltz

    “I want a hug. What about you? What do you want?”

    “I’d like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten console generations that some developers come with too great an ego. I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this: /wave. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Smart?”

  • Tremayne

    “I want a hug. What about you? What do you want?”“I’d like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten console generations that some developers come with too great an ego. I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this: /wave. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Smart?”  [Quote this in reply]

    Not fair. Bobby Kotick is the Mr Morden of game development (and presumably Activision shareholders are his Shadowy associates).
    Derek Smart is more like Londo Mollari – good intentions gone bad with a runaway mouth.
    Not sure where Lum fits into the Babylon 5 universe – any ideas? :)

  • http://trollshaman.blogspot.com Klepsacovic

    From what I’d heard, I didn’t like him very much. But I have moved him up a few notches, unless he turns out to be lying about battle hamsters.

  • http://bulletpointsblog.blogspot.com Anjin

    Say what you will about Smart, that CPU line made me laugh.

  • Calelari

    Not fair. Bobby Kotick is the Mr Morden of game development (and presumably Activision shareholders are his Shadowy associates).
    Derek Smart is more like Londo Mollari – good intentions gone bad with a runaway mouth.
    Not sure where Lum fits into the Babylon 5 universe – any ideas?   

    G’kar?

  • Celathiel

    G’kar?  [Quote this in reply]

    No I would say Vir Cotto……

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vir_Cotto

  • K.C.

    Nah, I see Lum more as Garibaldi…or maybe a male version of Ivanova.

  • http://www.brokentoys.org/ Scott Jennings

    You people are creeping me out and not in a good way.

  • http://www.noprisonersnomercy.com Julie Whitefeather

    Thanks for the Babylon Five comparisons. That is going to keep my entertained for some time. And thanks to Scott Jennings for keeping us all informed of the ever irritating but usually entertaining Derek Smart.

  • http://www.eldergame.com/ srand

    I like this bit:

    “Once we’ve finished all that, the goal is to figure out how to get everyone to STOP playing World Of Warcraft and play Alganon instead. For that one, I’m going to call in several favors, find out where all the skeletons are hidden, then expose every single one of them on the intarweb. That’ll teach them.”

    So he’s going to blackmail unnamed people (Blizzard?) into making people (who are playing WoW and therefore probably like WoW) play his game (which is no longer anything like WoW)?

  • Ingmar

    Get used to it, that’s what happens to celebrities on the Internet!

  • http://armorydatamining.appspot.com Zardoz

    Doesn’t he mean warhamsters?

  • Ed

    Nah, I see Lum more as Garibaldi…or maybe a male version of Ivanova.

    If we’re talking in rant quality, it’s gotta be Ivanova.

    Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova’s recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out.

    Ok, maybe not that violent.

    Or perhaps Lum is some kind of hive mind of all of the characters whenever they have a great rant. What was that about the heir to the throne of the kingdom of idiots?

  • dartwick

    I have to respect anyone who bans elves from a game.

  • Jackbnimble

    I am finding this whole drama incredibly enjoyable ;-)

  • John Arras

    But will they have catapults we can use to fling battle hamster fetuses at our enemies? fethampaults?

    If not, I’ll stick with WoW.

  • http://www.damnedvulpine.com/ J.

    Cry CHEEBLE! And let slip the hamsters of WARRRR!

  • http://www.damnedvulpine.com/ J.
  • Hatch

    Perfect, so instead of ripping off WOW he is now ripping off the greatest warrior team that has existed in the entirety of fantasy lit?

    http://www.minscandboo.com/quotes.php

  • Celathiel

    Nah, I see Lum more as Garibaldi…or maybe a male version of Ivanova.  

    Oh come on…. “Vir Cotto plays a role similar to that of the Everyman character of morality plays, an ordinary person influenced by personifications of good and evil, struggling with moral choices.”

    Does this not capture the quintessence of Lum?