MORE UPDATES FROM THE WORLD AROUND YOU [Author: lum]

Matt Drudge, who reported that the Littleton killers were gay goth biker nazi webmasters, apparently with a straight face, returns to let us know that Monica Lewinsky is afraid that the Kosovo crisis is “getting so serious out there. I just hope it doesn’t go nuclear.” In related news of people going nuclear, Hunter Thompson was reported to be preparing for Y2K by stocking up on thousands of bullets, claiming that in the future they will become units of currency.

We will continue to report the news as long as the nuclear-armed Serbs allow.

OOH BABY BABY! OOH BABY BABY! 1000 GOLD, PLEASE [Author: lum]

While checking my cool and horribly official LumTracker to see if anyone was linking to my page, I found this still probably under construction page, with a tale of the tail… apparently there is now a market for sex in UO. I’m torn whether to petition Designer Dragon to implement “very special emote macros” (not unattended, mind you) or just aim an EMP bomb at every single facility hosting a UO shard. But I don’t know, there’s something about that pixilated leather outfit that just draws me in… I don’t know, maybe she appreciates a good writer… maybe if I emoted more in game… maybe if I made her the site’s official mascot… do they have whips in game yet?

Excuse me, I need to wash my hands with disinfectant now.

Lick my boots, worm.
Sorsha the Amazing UO Cyberwhore, when asked for comment, spat at me and demanded more nightshade, “the good stuff this time, not that wack Vesper shit”

ACCORDING TO OLDMANMURRAY, THEY’RE ALSO GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS QUAKE 3 DEMO FOR MAC ONLY THING [Author: lum]

(AP) From the helpful diatribes of the Utopian Anarchist Party, the only political movement actually trying to take credit for the Littleton massacre, comes this trenchant analysis of current trends in gaming…

The gaming issue that really bothers us right now is the delay of Birth of the Federation! Where is our Master of Orion II sequel motherfuckers? Some of us here used to fight with our girlfriends over whether to play MOOII or fuck them, and now you keep pushing the sequal back, so we’re stuck with these empty brained, big-breasted bitches! Oh wait, maybe that’s not a bad thing …

Lum the Mad, when asked for comment, snorted and replied “Only virgins talk like that.”

MORE REASONS FOR MILITARY SCHOOL [Author: lum]

It had to happen…

http://town.owo.com/cgi-bin/guilds.pl?g=ad3881c8fee72738:25
http://town.owo.com/cgi-bin/guilds.pl?g=3ffd1fe5eb97daed:7

(LATE BREAKING NEWS – Don’t bother clicking on the above two links — OSI has removed the guilds from the game. Both were named “TCM – Trench Coat Mafia”, one was on Baja and the other on Drachenfels. Ahh, the raw power of webmastery.)

On a related subject, I got a well written rant from a goth who plays UO last night, who took offense at my labelling the little pusbags in Colorado that layed waste to their school “goths who were pissy that jocks got all the cool shit.”

First off, I’m wasn’t saying “all goths are bad”. Hell, when I was in high school I did my share of dyed black hair and pancake makeup, but back then it was the 80’s and more of a fashion statement then anything else. Now it’s like a whole subculture that I somehow missed. However, at the time I wrote that, the mass media, always an impeccable source of correct information, was saying that the two or three or twenty shooters were goths who listened to the Cure one too many times and decided to end everyone else’s pain too. (Actually I made that last part up. To connect the Cure to Goths would have required actual research. Instead they just beat on Marilyn Manson for a while because he’s a strange little girlyman with man breasts. When I was in New York last year his album had just came out, and Interscope had purchased a HUGE billboard in Times Square with this 50 foot Marilyn Manson staring down at you with his nakedness. I blame that experience for the web page you are now reading.)

Now we’re going to hear for the next year or so that video games are bad for you and the Internet breeds killers because one of them posted a DOOM wad (man, you gotta love those iD guys for subtlety in naming conventions) on AOL.

Leaving aside for the moment that if I hear AOL referred to as the Internet ONE MORE TIME I may breed a killer inside of me my own damned self. And the fact that these two guys were so lame that they actually bought those godawful Doom “fiction” books.

We like to blame people. Hell, look at the MDK banning. A bunch of wastes of perfectly good air get banned for following some poor roleplayer around screaming “We’re going to A$zZ Rap3 j00!” It hits the boards and immediately everyone takes sides. The PKers, who spend much of their time picking on roleplayers, are frightened that OSI will start banning THEIR guilds. The roleplayers, who spend much of their time bitching at OSI about the roleplayers picking on them, are celebrating that OSI *are* starting to ban those PK guilds.

Sounds kinda like high school, hmm?

Just remember, as the media goes into Monica Lewinsky withdrawal and goes into full 24 hour ban-all-signs-of-violence-from-our-tender-little-babies mode, what apparently really happened at Columbine High School was that two kids, who had been picked on for being geeks their entire lives, finally snapped.

Not because they played Doom too much (um, they couldn’t update to Quake at some point?), not because they listened to scary music, not even because they were in a PK guild in UO, but because kids can be really, really brutal mindfuckers to one another.

Something to think about.

UOADHOC? [Author: lum]

Reading the latest from your friend in space, “Dr.” TwisTer, set me to thimkin’…

I would love to have a chat with 3 dev team members, 3 roleplayers, 3 bug users, 3 Pks, 3 neutral players, and 3 merchants. The openess of the chat that I was in last night shows that the players really can communicate their ideas, feelings and respond to other players questions honestly and without criticism.

You know, I think we can do this. The dev team may be a problem since most of them tend to be shy, cautious creatures who retreat back in their holes when they see their own shadows, but I think we can probably come up with a “summit meeting” of everyone else.

Plus, it’s confirmed that yer Lumminess WILL be going to Austin next month to call out His Royal Frilliness, so it would be a good time to compare notes.

So if you’d be interested in an adHoC chat, post a good time on the message board. I have my own IRC server, so we don’t have to find a dark corner of Undernet or something.

(Oh, and a couple of dev team folks DO read this site occasionally, so we may get some adult supervision.)

More updates later, running late today.

DOUBLEPLUSUNGOOD [Author: lum]

THOUGHTSPEECH MALFORMED RECTIFY – OSI MINILUV

Here is, from an MDK member, the text from their OSI email on why they were banned.

At this time your account with Origin Systems has been permanently closed due to a violation of the Terms Of Service or the Rules and Regulations. Although we regret the closure of any account, we feel that the termination of your account is in the best interest of the service as a whole. Your account was closed for the following:

You are a member of the MDK guild. This guild has a web page up which condones hate crimes and the “virtual rape” of players. In game, this guild is known for harassing other players. This is a gross violation of the terms of service agreement, as well as a personal attack on other players. We consider this guild to be nothing more than a group who approves of hate crimes. Your account is closed and will not be reopened.

So be careful what guild you join, and make sure each and every member is politically correct. And above all — don’t approve of hate crimes. Badthink! Badthink! Rectify!

JOHN, I’M ONLY SINGING… [Author: lum]

The release version of Lum the Mad 2.0 (localized for Sonoma) will have to wait, looks like.

While we were all busy macroing in an unattended fashion last night, our guild leader had a trapped chest blow him up (for over 94 points of damage) while going through our stocks of supplies. In addition to a vanq weapon and 5 force weapons and all sorts of other crap, he also lost his copy of a tower key that was on loan to him prior to purchase, which trapped his now decaying corpse in the tower, and since the person he got it from actually has a real life instead of staying in IRC as their entire worthless existence, basically our guild is homeless for two weeks.

But that’s not the problem. Oh, no.

Being a trusting soul, he assumed that a quick yell at the Powers That Be And Were On Duty would solve the problem. I mean, it is sort of why they fucking get a paycheck.

(OK, I’ll wait while you all finish laughing hysterically.)

Fifteen minutes later…

“Can you help me? *explains situation*”

“I’m not sure I can help you if your body decayed.”

“No, you don’t understand, my BODY has decayed. My bones are still there. But they’ll decay very soon. Please help me NOW.”

Twenty three minutes pass. (He counted.)

“OK, I’ll go and check.”

But that’s not the best part. Oh, no.

While at least 5 people were begging this GM to actually do their job (including my friend/guildmaster, who happens to also be in OSI support and thus Has Access To The Seekrit Channels), this GM was busy.

Singing. In the IRC channel.

Well, the tower we were responsible for will probably decay now, and our guildmaster is pretty much set to quit UO. But I’m told they were very nice songs.

Anyway, I’m sure we’ll be up to speed on Sonoma eventually. In the meantime, will someone explain to me just what GMs do for a living? If it’s singing, I have some requests…

HOPE YOU GOT ALL THE INGOTS YOU NEED BY NOW, BOYOS [Author: lum]

Well, if we’re going to keep macroing like the useless puds that we are, the dev team will fight back like the useless puds that they are.

According to update.owo.com, line of sight checks are in the works for fishing (quit fishing under those boats), provocation (you can delete your bard character now) and… drumroll… MINING.

I predict a boom in housing sales.

(Of course, this assumes they will actually code this correctly and not just totally disable mining or force you to mine while on a boat in the deep ocean or something.)