ENOUGH WITH THE RAPE MMOS, I WANT A GAME THAT LETS ME PILLAGE AND LOOT

Just when you thought not enough people were catering to the underserved, tiny segment of the buying public that are oversexed young male computer gamers, along comes Sociolotron! As described in Wired, this is like any other MMO, except for, well, the ability of characters to graphically rape other characters. (Note for those of you who have played PvP games, the “rape” we’re talking about here means actually forcing your sexual attentions on an unwilling victim, not killing someone 15 levels below you and then posting long essays on how skilled you are on message boards.) However, as described in the article, rape isn’t always bad!

“Rape in reality is an ugly thing,” said a player known as Pert. “But many people have rape fantasies that have nothing to do with real rape, like being raped by a tall, handsome stranger and the like. It’s those fantasies that can be lived out.”

She then went on to mention that she really liked Ann Rice novels. No, I’m serious.

Sadly, what with media attention from Wired, Ren Reynolds on Terra Nova, and yours truly, these guys are being taken more seriously than they deserve.

WAY more seriously. (This link is probably not work-safe, if your boss likes peering at pixels vaguely representing women in an “onbscene manner”. The game purports to encourage the players to “become a scientist and try to find cures against the many diseases that roam the world”, presumably while using their “hooker skill”.

Perhaps someday, sex will be portrayed in MMOs in a mature, adult manner such as other single-player games have done. Ah, what am I saying. We’ll continue to see badly-pixellated pornography, and people will buy tons of copies, and pundits will continue to post run-on sentences in weblogs bemoaning the lack of games that appeal to women. Or, as the convienently named “Ginger” of Seducitlocisociology says,

If they don’t want a dark environment where bad things happen, then they should go back to the Sims Online or wherever else it was they came from.

That’s right, they’re providing a “dark environment!” Where everyone has general sex urges!

This urge determines the general desire to have sex and ultimately an orgasm. The sex urge rises when the character has orgasms in short time intervals and it decreases for longer intervals

The higher the urge, the easier it is to make the character aroused. A low satisfaction level on the other hand reduces the intelligence. This is not necessarily an urge with a positive and a negative side. It is just something, that happens over time and is unavoidable. You have to be careful when engaging in sex because the timing can change this urge and therefor lead to an unwanted reaction or panic.

When this urge panics, the character searches a room with a PC and attempts to seduce him. He will not prevent any sexual actions from anybody, thus engaging in sex with whoever comes first.

Of course, if you’re going to not prevent any sexual actions from anybody, you need skills. Thankfully, Selociraptidecepticromicon has a full sexual skill tree, as described below verbatim:

there are several internal values which determine the sexual behavior, like speed of arousal, satisfaction speed, orgasm trigger and so on. These values can be changed by drugs, but how this can be done and what exactly these changes do is something you must find out in the game.

Right about the time I read this paragraph, I finally realized… someone was actually making an online game from FATAL.

Clearly, we must go back in time to stop this menace before the creators of Snuffaluppagothicon go back in time and have cybersex with Skynet, thus producing John Ashcroft, otherwise known as “Antichrist One”. I’m calling Governer Schwarzenegger.

PICK THE NEWS SLANT PART DEUX

Kim Sun-il Executed by Captors in Iraq

The Arab cable news network Al-Jazeera reported Tuesday that Kim Sun-il has been executed by his captors. Al-Jazeera received a video tape recording his execution. The broadcast said that the al-Qaeda-linked group “Monotheism and Jihad” executed Kim, and that it would soon broadcast the video sent by the group.

A video image released Wednesday(Korean Time) by Al-Jazeera television shows a group of heavily armed gunmen, standing over kidnapped Korean Kim Sun-il. Militants beheaded Kim in Iraq Tuesday after Seoul refused their demand to withdraw its troops and scrap plans to send additional troops.

Korean captive killed after deadline passes
Kim Sun-Il worked for firm dealing with US occupation forces

A South Korean translator working for a company that supplies equipment to US occupation forces in Iraq has been executed after a deadline set by his captors passed.

In a videotape received by Aljazeera, the resistance group Jamat al-Tawhid and Jihad said it was fulfilling a pledge it made yesterday that the 33-old-year South Korean translator Kim Sun-Il would be beheaded if their demands were not met by South Korean government.

The captors threatened on Sunday to kill Kim, who was captured last Thursday near Falluja, in 24 hours if South Korea did not cancel its plan to deploy troops to Iraq.

South Korea rejected the demand and said on Monday it would send forces to Iraq despite an earlier video showing Kim begging for his life.

Al-Jazeera, the choice of discerning beheaders fighting US imperialism everywhere. And Michael Moore.

I know, I’m harping on this. I guess it fascinates me that there’s actually a viewpoint that grabbing innocent people off the street and lopping off their heads is somehow an acceptable reaction to, well, anything.

OF LOVE AND WAR

This post on Q23 encapsulates perfectly how different communities coexist in MMOs. It is a thing of beauty.

When I was playing a cook in SW:G, someone asked me to cater their wedding. At the time, I didn’t even have a factory, so there was no way I was going to try to carry that much food around without crates. Then the more I thought about it, how the hell would I even cater a wedding, anyway? It’s not like the game supports buffet tables. Then I realized that the whole thing was stupid, anyway, and I went back to my true in-game goal of killing things with my bare hands while high on spice.

PICK THE NEWS SLANT!

BODY OF BEHEADED AMERICAN FOUND

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia \’e2\’80\rdblquote The body of American hostage Paul M. Johnson Jr. (search), apparently beheaded by an Al Qaeda-linked Saudi militant group, was found Friday just outside the Saudi Arabian capital.

The discovery came soon after a Web site posted pictures of his death.

Side A

Dammit! Those barbarian Al-Qaeda! Cutting the heads off of innocent hostages!

US CAPTIVE EXECUTED IN SAUDI ARABIA

The American defence worker captured in Saudi Arabia last week has been killed after a 72-hour deadline for the Saudi government to release al-Qaida prisoners passed.

Johnson was seized last weekend by Saudi dissidents who promised to kill him by Friday if the kingdom did not release its al-Qaida prisoners.

Side B

Wow. Instead it’s a strike at the US military industrial complex by brave dissidents!

MY QUOTE OF THE DAY

“After spending billions of dollars, we are capable of vaporizing a target anywhere on the earth from outer space with a margin of error measured in inches, but we have not yet assembled a brain trust capable of addressing the tedium of leveling in online games.”

Mourne, via J.

Disclaimer A: I actually think CoH is fun.
Disclaimer B: Given orbital lasers, I could probably solve the level grind. Or, well, anything up to and including Jennifer Lopez’s marraiges.
Disclaimer C: I wouldn’t mind having orbital lasers.

ALL RIGHT, I PROMISE NOT TO VOTE FOR GERHARD SCHROEDER, STOP MIT DER EMAIL

So now I, apparently with select other individuals on the Net, am recieving about (counting…) 8 emails every 60 seconds which, as best I can tell with my grade school German, are ranting about foreigners and the Kaiser’s string or something.

Thankfully, SpamBayes is catching them all, and I just have to, every hour or so, clean 800 pages of skinhead literature out of my junk mail folder. Yay for technology, I guess. My less wonky co-workers are quickly getting wonk infusions as their email accounts spiral out of control. I can only guess we’ve been targeted because we distribute our game in Germany. Or maybe the National Front dislikes Albion. I don’t know any more. Please stop.

Details on the Spamfest: here and here (which notes with typical British understatement that no right wingers are likely to come to power through using spam).

WHEREIN OUR HERO DISCOVERS HE DOES IN FACT HAVE A WEBSITE

Let me check CNN… yep, Reagan’s still dead.

Just to prove my inner Alex Keaton still exists, I’ve been bashing the wicked leftists in a particularly aptly named thread on Corpnews.

Not much else going on. Pounding away at work, trying to get an expansion out. I haven’t been able to play many computer games in the past week or so besides Diablo… everything else requires, like, thought.

Thanks to Jeff Freeman, I have actually expunged “actually” from my vocabulary. Actually, my worst written tic are modifiers such as “basically”. Basically, I like to modify down my language so that if I actually write myself into a corner, I can basically back out of it later. I also tend to pound jokes into goo.

Hang on, let me check Fox… OK, still dead.