by

NET DEVIL DEVELOPER GRIEFS MAJESTIC PLAYERS [Author: Arcadian Del Sol]

TinyPenis.com

To some, this site is not new. It is a mix between Something Awful, Lum the Mad, WTFman, and Stile Project. It offends, it lampoons, and it tears apart the weaknesses in the online culture like dry rotted stitches in a weathered mainsail.

The latest update was brought to our attention by the following email, and it is a real scream:

—–Original Message—–

From: Ryan Seabury [mailto:**********@netdevil.com]

Sent: Thursday, July 26, 2001 6:47 PM

To: lum@lumthemad.net

Subject: Majestic Morons

I thought you folks might get a kick out of our most recent feature,

creatively titled “Majestic Morons”. The result of “trying out” the new Majestic game. I love online games. Enjoy!

http://www.tinypenis.com/features/majestic_morons.html

-SamPenguin

____________________________________________

Sam Penguin Nerd in Charge

Tiny Penis, Ltd.

(Nerds are ok) http://www.tinypenis.com

It seems the site admin has enrolled himself in EA’s recently released online game Majestic, and decided it was his duty to inform the world that it is VERY GRIEFABLE, and does so by taking thirty players on a wild goose chase that very likely will ruin their game exprience for weeks to come. Read his update here because we’re going to talk about it in a moment.

First thing you want to tuck away for use later is the first thing the Majestic Bot says to him:

MainerdKyle: Hello, I’m Kyle, the System Admin from Majestic. Is Ryan Seabury there?

And the player answering to the name Ryan Seabury?

PenguinSamS: Would you like to talk about Ryan Seabury?

PenguinSamS = Ryan Seabury. Remember that, there will be a quiz later.

Just for flavor, lets sample one of his grief diversions to someone who unwittingly trusted him enough to try and work together to solve the mystery of Majestic…

PenguinSamS: You are a clever one.

PenguinSamS: I can see this won’t be easy. Have you heard of Level 3 DsKooL hacking?

DeanosutS: not recently

PenguinSamS: If tammy is there, she can explain. Look… this is what i need you to do.

PenguinSamS: go to http://www.skirtman.org… there are several news articles.

PenguinSamS: somewhere within these articles is the clue to the pusher bots docs.

PenguinSamS: we have to find it before midnight tonight.

PenguinSamS: i am covering the other suspected websites.

DeanosutS: i can do that

PenguinSamS: report back to me if you find ANYTHING!

DeanosutS: we’ll do

PenguinSamS: I must go now! Good LUCK!

He has sent this player to a site belonging to a man who is very open and honest about his personal life, albeit a very difficult one to be open and honest about. Why is this? Because of needle dicks like Mr. Ryan Seabury, SENIOR DEVELOPER for Net Devil, the company launching the massive online game, Jumpgate.

I really hope they release a grief-free game. I really really do.

Because I’d hate to see paying customers being griefed to death by the SENIOR DEVELOPER.

So unlike certain other developers who felt compelled by honor and ethics to not host a rant site while working for a developer in the industry, Mister Ryan Seabury continues to host a site that, upon reading it, has all the look and feel of a thirteen year old’s grief site.

Except thirteen year olds can’t host their sites on NETDEVILS OWN NETWORK. For those who dont care to follow that link, here’s what network solutions has to say about TinyPenis.com…

Registrant:

Tiny Penis, Ltd. (TINYPENIS-DOM)

890 W. Cherry St. #240

Louisville, CO 80027

US

Domain Name: TINYPENIS.COM

Administrative Contact, Billing Contact:

Seabury, Ryan (RS11359) ryan@TINYPENIS.COM

Tiny Penis, Ltd.

890 W. Cherry St. #240

Louisville, CO 80027

(720)890-#### (FAX) (720)890-####

Technical Contact:

Seabury, Ryan (RS29985) ****@NETDEVIL.COM

NetDevil

890 W. Cherry St. #240

Louisville, CO 80027

US

720890-#### 720890-####

Record last updated on 06-Apr-2001.

Record expires on 20-Mar-2003.

Record created on 20-Mar-1998.

Database last updated on 26-Jul-2001 06:48:00 EDT.

Domain servers in listed order:

NS.TEEHEEHEE.NET\tab\tab 216.87.94.66

NS.NETDEVIL.COM\tab\tab 216.87.94.69

How nice that Net Devil Ltd has agreed to host a website with Grief Cybersex stunts and other vulgarities. Very very professional, Net Devil. Just the kind of thing that distributors like 3DO like to see in a partner.

Now just to be fair, I would be remiss if I did not warn you about Majestic – it is VERY GRIEFABLE. The structure of the game invites you to work in a group with up to thirty strangers, via the AOL Instant Messenger, to swap clues, URLs, and other tidbits. Often, you will rely on the knowledge of your “allies” as they are called, to help you through a particularly difficult puzzle. Sadly, this interaction between players is entirely unmoderated and unpoliced. If your group of thirty allies has a sufficient number of Ryan Seabury style assholes, you are at a huge disadvantage, and in extreme cases, sometimes these major assholes can send you on wild goose chases through a series of shocking and disgusting websites, all the while, they sit back and cackle with glee while you struggle to figure out what parts of Majestic are real, and what parts are the invention of an immature employee of Net Devil, Ltd.

This puts a major wet blanket on the potential for Majestic. Basically, once the griefers find out it is entirely unpoliced, well kiss your game experience good-bye because it is all over. Which I suppose serve’s Net Devil’s needs rather nicely. Each disgruntled Majestic player is a potential Jumpgate account owner. Maybe Net Devil should encourage ALL of its employees to grief the hell out of their competition, to draw people to their own game.

The only problem is that the reports on Jumpgate right now are “THE SUXS” – so don’t get your hopes up Net Devil. Maybe if your SENIOR DEVELOPERS weren’t so busy being needled dicked pricks in your comeptitor’s games, they would have found time to make your own online title NOT SUCK.

No word from Net Devil at this time. I attempted to place a phone call, and it rang off the hook. At 5:15pm. Guess they all had to rush home and try to cybersex with people trying to play Majestic. But I would love to hear something about this. GBob, are you out there? You are the online community coordinator – come address this one, big guy.

(And man-to-man, I’m really sorry bro. Honest, I am. But I absolutely cannot swallow this one. You took the job, and you gotta take what comes).

So let’s hear it. Tell me how Net Devil approves of being the host for www.tinypenis.com, and how it has no problem with the behavior of its SENIOR DEVELOPER. Then I’ll tell you how fast I’ll line up to pay this guy so he can continue to act like a childish prick. Oh sure, there will be a few who think this is cool, and will be even more excited to play Jumpgate because of this.

So tell me, is excessive griefplay and grief cybersex messages bannable in Jumpgate?

****UPDATE: 7/27@8:23am EST***

Interview with Scorch at UknownPlayer.Com

To answer that last question, I direct you to an interview by Unknown Player with Net Devil President, Scott “Scorch” Brown, posted on 7/26 only moments before this update broke

Highlight question #9…

9. What is your stance on people who: exploit, grief play, cheat etc? Will players have the ability to get in game and real world help? What’s your policy on banning? Will players be able to appeal a ban/suspension?

The banning policies (and all other policies for that matter) will be at the descression of the publishers, MightyGames and 3DO. Cheaters/griefers are a sore subject with me. I never imagined how much time would be lost both fixing hacks and changing game mechanics around player’s loopholes. Its frustrating when you have some really exciting new stuff for the game, and it gets shelved because a new hack was discovered and it takes a week to get it resolved.

***STORY UPDATED: 7/27@12:02PM EST***

linked files being removed, links changed to local copies.

NetDevil Senior Developer Ryan Seabury has deleted the files linked to this story. Fortunately, I have backups, and have changed the links to locally mirrored files. They are unaltered and appear as they did on the original site. Previously unlinked is the front page in which he applauds his efforts to spoil the experience for a few Majestic players.