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ENOUGH WITH THE RAPE MMOS, I WANT A GAME THAT LETS ME PILLAGE AND LOOT

Just when you thought not enough people were catering to the underserved, tiny segment of the buying public that are oversexed young male computer gamers, along comes Sociolotron! As described in Wired, this is like any other MMO, except for, well, the ability of characters to graphically rape other characters. (Note for those of you who have played PvP games, the “rape” we’re talking about here means actually forcing your sexual attentions on an unwilling victim, not killing someone 15 levels below you and then posting long essays on how skilled you are on message boards.) However, as described in the article, rape isn’t always bad!

“Rape in reality is an ugly thing,” said a player known as Pert. “But many people have rape fantasies that have nothing to do with real rape, like being raped by a tall, handsome stranger and the like. It’s those fantasies that can be lived out.”

She then went on to mention that she really liked Ann Rice novels. No, I’m serious.

Sadly, what with media attention from Wired, Ren Reynolds on Terra Nova, and yours truly, these guys are being taken more seriously than they deserve.

WAY more seriously. (This link is probably not work-safe, if your boss likes peering at pixels vaguely representing women in an “onbscene manner”. The game purports to encourage the players to “become a scientist and try to find cures against the many diseases that roam the world”, presumably while using their “hooker skill”.

Perhaps someday, sex will be portrayed in MMOs in a mature, adult manner such as other single-player games have done. Ah, what am I saying. We’ll continue to see badly-pixellated pornography, and people will buy tons of copies, and pundits will continue to post run-on sentences in weblogs bemoaning the lack of games that appeal to women. Or, as the convienently named “Ginger” of Seducitlocisociology says,

If they don’t want a dark environment where bad things happen, then they should go back to the Sims Online or wherever else it was they came from.

That’s right, they’re providing a “dark environment!” Where everyone has general sex urges!

This urge determines the general desire to have sex and ultimately an orgasm. The sex urge rises when the character has orgasms in short time intervals and it decreases for longer intervals

The higher the urge, the easier it is to make the character aroused. A low satisfaction level on the other hand reduces the intelligence. This is not necessarily an urge with a positive and a negative side. It is just something, that happens over time and is unavoidable. You have to be careful when engaging in sex because the timing can change this urge and therefor lead to an unwanted reaction or panic.

When this urge panics, the character searches a room with a PC and attempts to seduce him. He will not prevent any sexual actions from anybody, thus engaging in sex with whoever comes first.

Of course, if you’re going to not prevent any sexual actions from anybody, you need skills. Thankfully, Selociraptidecepticromicon has a full sexual skill tree, as described below verbatim:

there are several internal values which determine the sexual behavior, like speed of arousal, satisfaction speed, orgasm trigger and so on. These values can be changed by drugs, but how this can be done and what exactly these changes do is something you must find out in the game.

Right about the time I read this paragraph, I finally realized… someone was actually making an online game from FATAL.

Clearly, we must go back in time to stop this menace before the creators of Snuffaluppagothicon go back in time and have cybersex with Skynet, thus producing John Ashcroft, otherwise known as “Antichrist One”. I’m calling Governer Schwarzenegger.