by

This Just In: USSR Not Actually After Crystal Skulls

The Communist Party of the Russian Federation would like you to know that the latest Indiana Jones movie is, like, totally made up, OK?

He said many Russian cinemagoers were teenagers who would be “completely unaware of what happened in 1957”, when the film is set.

“They will go to the cinema and will be sure that in 1957 we made trouble for the United States and almost started a nuclear war.

“It’s rubbish… In 1957 the communists did not run with crystal skulls throughout the US.”

No, but in 1956 the communists did run with lead rifles through Hungary!