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I Hate You, Internet

Among other various email addresses I’ve collected over the years, I was one of the first to sign up for Gmail, so I actually snagged my name – sjennings.

This has not been terribly useful to me.

Why? Because, apparently, everyone who shares my first initial and last name thinks it’s their Gmail address. Thus, at any given point, I can pop this email account open and read job offers, requests for insurance seminars, Facebook status updates, and notes from their husbands that they are working late this evening.

I am apparently the Gmail vector for everyone s and jennings.

So Shaun, Suzie, Steve, Sara, Shane, Shay, Sue, Sheila? Would it be too much to actually figure out which email address you have before giving it out to people? Sheila, I’m glad you’re getting married but I don’t really want to see pictures of your dress or the approximately 500 bridal magazines you’ve signed up for. Stephen, I’m pretty sure buying her chocolate isn’t going to help. Shakira, did you really need to sign up for InterRacialDating.com using the wrong email address? And Steve, all the newsletters for ammunition are kind of creeping me out here. Plus, your wife Ellen wants you to know the meeting with the therapist is at 4:00 PM. You should probably go.

I’m pretty sure that checking this email account every so often makes me a bad person.