Category Archives: Mass Effect

Just To Pile On…

Posted on January 29, 2008 by Scott Jennings| 9 Comments

…in case you weren’t sure, darling, that University of Maryland study quoted in Fox’s “Sexbox” squib isn’t exactly what it was advertised to be.

This study didn’t involve thousands of young children. It didn’t even involve “real life experience” or even if they knew the difference between real life and fantasy. The Washington Post, in their story Students See Video Games As Harmless, Study Finds is more accurate, but not much more. The post still sensationalizes the issue by claiming that 14-year olds, who are filled with wrath, consider themselves “immune to mayhem.”

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Posted in Cooper Lawrence Fan Club, Mass Effect, Perpetual Stupidity Vortex, Rupert Murdoch Stole My Kidney, _

That's Just Not Right.

Posted on January 28, 2008 by Scott Jennings| 13 Comments

Jack Thompson thinks Fox News had no idea what they were talking about.

In other news, Malas, the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse, was sighted chilling in Palm Beach.

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Posted in Jack Thompson, Mass Effect, Perpetual Stupidity Vortex, _

"I Was Wrong! Who Knew!"

Posted on January 26, 2008 by Scott Jennings| 19 Comments

Today’s New York Times brings word that noted video game analyst Cooper Lawrence has actually determined, after keen study, that Mass Effect is not a movie starring Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson.

I recognize that I misspoke. I really regret saying that, and now that I’ve seen the game and seen the sex scenes it’s kind of a joke.

HAH HAH! You’re so funny, ma’am.

Darling, I gotta go with the research. And the research says there’s a new study out of the University of Maryland right now that says that boys that play video games cannot tell the difference between what they’re seeing in the video game and the real world…

Poochiekins, I gotta go with my own research, which says that there’s a new study somewhere on the Intarweb that says that girls that appear on The Tyra Banks Show cannot tell the difference between what they randomly guess is in a video game and the real world.

cooper.jpgOf course, this whole whozabobbawhumsit did accomplish one very important thing: it set up the first appearance by Cooper Lawrence in the New York Times.

Cooper Lawrence fans everywhere thank you! Really. Just as soon as we find some, we’re sure that they’re gonna be thankful all over the place. Don’t worry, Ms. Lawrence – this being the Internet, and your being a perky young female, we’re pretty sure someone will show up to give you lots of gold and powerlevelling. That’s how things work out here in the male-driven rapeland that is video gaming!

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Posted in Mass Effect, Perpetual Stupidity Vortex, Stupidity, _

What Mass Effect Has Taught Me

Posted on November 26, 2007 by Scott Jennings| 8 Comments

As the helpful men below will tell you, there is no problem that cannot be solved without the proper application of shotguns to people’s faces.

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As seen in this thread, thanks to unfortunate cell-phone-cam lighting, my Cmdr. Shepard looks a little out of shape. Or, as one wag put it,

Your guy actually looks badass, except for his double-chin. I didn’t know the Normandy could fit through the McDonald’s drive-through.

Yeah, well, if you tell him he’s out of shape — he’ll stick a shotgun in your face. (Renegade +9)

Mass Effect is a triumph of storytelling over gameplay, because the combat system starts as horribly frustrating and painful, until you level up to the point where the combat system is pretty much irrelevant (“Oh, look, enemies – PEW PEW PEW – hey, thanks for killing them, party members!”). However, that aside, Mass Effect’s story, graphics, and presentation in general is not only like a Babylon 5 movie (both in scope and in, well, stealing the plot wholesale – which is fine, B5 did the same thing, space operas aren’t known for their originality), it’s a Babylon 5 movie that’s better than any recent Babylon 5 movie.

Between this game, the excellent Assassin’s Creed, and some other game everyone I know is going nuts over and I’m not even having the time to buy yet, tis the season to have no money.

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Posted in Mass Effect, _