You play video games? Are you fat, ugly, or slutty?

This study didn’t involve thousands of young children. It didn’t even involve “real life experience” or even if they knew the difference between real life and fantasy. The Washington Post, in their story Students See Video Games As Harmless, Study Finds is more accurate, but not much more. The post still sensationalizes the issue by claiming that 14-year olds, who are filled with wrath, consider themselves “immune to mayhem.”

In other news, Malas, the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse, was sighted chilling in Palm Beach.

I recognize that I misspoke. I really regret saying that, and now that I’ve seen the game and seen the sex scenes it’s kind of a joke.

HAH HAH! You’re so funny, ma’am.

Darling, I gotta go with the research. And the research says there’s a new study out of the University of Maryland right now that says that boys that play video games cannot tell the difference between what they’re seeing in the video game and the real world…

Poochiekins, I gotta go with my own research, which says that there’s a new study somewhere on the Intarweb that says that girls that appear on The Tyra Banks Show cannot tell the difference between what they randomly guess is in a video game and the real world.

Of course, this whole whozabobbawhumsit did accomplish one very important thing: it set up the first appearance by Cooper Lawrence in the New York Times.

Cooper Lawrence fans everywhere thank you! Really. Just as soon as we find some, we’re sure that they’re gonna be thankful all over the place. Don’t worry, Ms. Lawrence – this being the Internet, and your being a perky young female, we’re pretty sure someone will show up to give you lots of gold and powerlevelling. That’s how things work out here in the male-driven rapeland that is video gaming!