Category Archives: Stupidity

Current Terror Alert Code: RAGNAROS

Say you’re a guild leader in World of Warcraft. You have a girl in your guild. You talk a lot on Vent, one thing leads to another and what do you know, you’re on a plane to visit. These things happen.

When they happen, do NOT drop your iPod down the airplane toilet. Because you WILL, from there, inexorably fall down the rabbit hole

They asked me why I was visiting Canada. I was to visit a friend I met on World of Warcraft, Cara. They took down her name and what I could remember of her address. They asked me how we met.

“In an online game.”
“What online game?”
“Umm … World of Warcraft,” I responded meekly.
“What kind of game is this?”
“It’s a fantasy game … it takes place online.”
“Fantasy … like it’s got wizards and warlocks?”
“Well, it’s got warlocks.” (And they need to be nerfed.)

They asked me to describe my relation to Cara. I told them that people meet up in the game and go on adventures together, and that Cara and I were in a guild together that I was the leader of. They confused the concept of a guild with the game, however, and I had them believing that I was the Lord and Leader of all of WoW until I was able to correct them, and explain to them what a guild was.

So, when they put the pieces together; namely, that I was visiting a female person that I had met over a computer game, their next line of questioning went down an obvious path.

“So you and Cara are friends?”
“Yes.”
“How long have you known her?”
“About 5 months I think? Maybe less.”
“Do you have a romantic relationship with Cara?”
“No.”
“Do you want a romantic relationship with Cara?”
“No.”
“OK, so … if you and Cara were drunk together, and she turned to you and said, ‘Tim, let’s go–’”

I interrupted him. “Excuse me … what’s the point of these questions?” The detective hardened. “Let me make things clear. I ask questions. You answer them. Do we have an understanding?”

News coverage in the Canadian media here. An account from another passenger on the plane is here.

Yes, but will it be balanced for PvP on release?

For those of you who think that every film, no matter how low budget, deserves its own multi-million dollar MMO project to enhance synergy, this one is for you:

Babysitter Wanted: The MMO.

No. REALLY.

“I’m extremely pleased with the deal we’ve made to produce the MMO,” commented Big Screen CEO, Kimberley Kates. “We are working with top notch developers and programmers who will adapt the most exciting and game worthy set pieces from our upcoming motion picture, ‘Babysitter Wanted.’ And the cross marketing potential for both the game and film is phenomenal.”

For those of you laughing at the thought of a Hollywood production company that proudly displays its 11c stock asking price on every page of its site tackling the Sisyphean task of launching a client-server application with thousands of simultaneous users, I bring you the wisdom of this veteran MMO developer:

The point is video games have become incredibly easy to create through the use of advanced API\’e2\’80\’99s. Carmack had it so incredibly hard making Doom and Quake because he didn\’e2\’80\’99t have these things (for the original version of Quake) to work with. What is an MMORPG? It’s a Quake type game with advance netcode.

And unlike GL-Jeff, if all else fails, Ms. Kates does have the resources of a well-known charitable organization to call on.

Note: Rowdy Roddy Piper’s RTS still isn’t out.

They Are All Night Elves

As seen on Kotaku: World of Datecraft! 107 girls, 527 boys. Something’s not gonna work out here.

Note that “Trixy” wants you to know she likes “Druid Sex”. I can only assume it somehow involves in-combat resurrection.

“AM I NOT MERCIFUL, KIN KADE?”

Warning: following this link will actually make you stupid.

Things I Dislike (#1 In An Endless Series)

You know when you attend a meeting, and get a thick handout, and then the presenter proceeds to read you the handout?

Yeah. I don’t like that very much.

In His House In Moscow Dead Putin Lies Dreaming

Be careful when you ask the people what they want to know…

For reasons Reuters calls “not clear,” 8,600 Russians want to know if Putin plans to employ “giant, humanoid war robots” and 7,300 people want him to be questioned about the Cthulhu, a cosmic cephalopod invented by author H.P. Lovecraft that sleeps beneath the Pacific Ocean.

And they say democracy hasn’t reached Russia yet.

Finally, A Real Benchmark of Quality

While watching SciFi network (or more accurately, while it’s on in the background…)

Me: “Are you watching porn?”
Her: “No.”
Me: “I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen acting that bad outside of porn.”

Edit: Just in case you’re not clear on the horror, Variety actually posted a review, which I’m pretty sure is the only reviewer to sit through the movie. Send him a beer.

History: People Unclear On The Concept

From Gamespot:

Crown of Glory is a turn-based strategy game that takes place 200 years after the start of the Napoleanic Wars.

…which would be around 2005.\’c2\~

“Oh, I Was Cured, All Right…”

I’m sure the MMO study Terra Nova linked to today is perfectly sane and normal, but their cover image…

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!!

…is, I’m fairly certain, taken from the visual barrage that they will use on me at Guantanamo when I am captured and purged of my unclean thoughts.

ABC: Pedophiles invading Everquest! Run for your virtual lives!

From ABC:

In an attempt to avoid traceable e-mails, pedophiles are using online games, including Sony’s Everquest, to target and communicate with their victims, according to federal investigators.

This is based on… brace yourself… one pedophile.

Malone was arrested on June 14 in Texas and released on bond. Reached at his home, he told ABC News he did not deny the allegations.

“They were a terrible mistake,” Malone said. “I’ve always tried to make people happy, and I don’t think of myself as a monster or a type of creature,” Malone said.

Yes. Because 99.9999999% of the people who DO think of themselves as monsters or types of creatures in Everquest DO NOT TRY TO MOLEST SMALL CHILDREN. Clearly, this is Advanced Nonlinear Logic beyond the reach of the media.