Yet another school shooting has lead to yet another crusade against the video game industry. It is understandable that parents and students are terrified of the world in which they live. Every time these tragedies occur, we hear \’e2\’80\’9cI didn\’e2\’80\’99t know it could happen here.\’e2\’80\’9d

Hey, you. Yes, you, the reader looking at this article right now. Yes, it can happen to you. That\’e2\’80\’99s right. Even if you\’e2\’80\’99re white, suburban, and have upper middle class parents who drive gas-guzzling SUVs, you too can have a classmate go postal. Actually, gauging by the major school shootings that have occurred over the past few years, it\’e2\’80\’99s probably more likely to happen to you if you\’e2\’80\’99re white, suburban, and upper middle class.

The obvious questions are being asked:

Where does this violence stem from? Who\’e2\’80\’99s responsible? What can we do? There are actually very simple solutions to these problems. Application of said solutions is proving horribly complicated, however.

Video games are an easy target for parental watchdog groups. Doom, Quake, Leisure Suit Larry. All of these will corrupt your children. I don\’e2\’80\’99t care how well you parent. You could be decent, God-fearing, authoritative parents, but your children will burn in the fiery cauldron of psychosis if they even look at these games sideways. It must be stopped. We cannot rest until we have sanitized all of our culture (to the loud cheers of the French).

I\’e2\’80\’99m not sure what I learned from video games while growing up. I learned that a thumb cramp is actually possible to attain. I learned that sitting for long hours makes my ass go numb. I learned having nothing better to generally leads me to doing nothing better.

Oh, and Mighty Bomb Jack really was the bomb.

The simple problem here is parenting. Video games teach nothing. Parents teach. Teachers teach. Video games do not teach.

The unspoken commentary these watchdog groups and our wonderful Attorney General is making is that you, the parent, are no longer trusted in this society. You had your chance. We let you raise your kids. Look at the mess you people have made. Students snapping at the drop of the hat, 12 year olds murdering 6 year olds, the Backstreet Boys. It\’e2\’80\’99s a disaster.

If you can\’e2\’80\’99t parent your own children, well gee golly gosh, I guess the government will do it for you! After all, when the government does things for us, it always works out really well. Right? Right?!

This is about control and trust. Parents cannot be trusted, so the government will step in and do it for you. If you cannot control your children, the government will do that, too. For all the rhetoric about the Left trying to sanitize our culture and enforce politically correct brainwashing on the masses, the Right is doing a great job of the same. Government control knows no ideology. Government doesn\’e2\’80\’99t care whether you\’e2\’80\’99re a Republican or a Democrat. The Government wants to run your life. That is what governments do. It is what they are made to do. And they\’e2\’80\’99re trying to do it here.

This is merely the beginning. Video games today, movies and television shows tomorrow. The government wants to control what your children are exposed to since you people obviously can\’e2\’80\’99t do it yourselves. And even if you do monitor what your children see, you\’e2\’80\’99re obviously not doing a good job.

Because of this, I get to suffer. All of my entertainment will be watered down for the benefit of your children. I no longer get to be an adult. I, being 21, have waited my whole life to do the things adults get to do. I can watch dirty movies, I can drink, I can smoke, and I can play video games chock full of blood, gore, and ass-rapings.

I\’e2\’80\’99m an adult. I play video games, too. This may be shocking, but rumor has it that there are a lot of adults who play video games. Yet, because some parents can\’e2\’80\’99t, you know, parent, we all get to suffer.

If you have kids, here\’e2\’80\’99s some general, unsolicited advice from your good friend, Eldin.

1. Monitor what your child is doing. Watch the movies they watch, play the video games they play, listen to the music they listen to, and read the books they read. If you\’e2\’80\’99re letting your 10 year old listen to Eminem, put the kid up for adoption.

2. If you absolutely have to own guns, either teach your children some respect for them, or hide them. Well. Preferably, try to do both.

3. Pay attention to your kids. I know, I know, paying attention is hard. However, if you don\’e2\’80\’99t have the time to pay attention to everything your kids do, don\’e2\’80\’99t have them. If your kid is depressed, please try to notice these things. Every time these school shootings happen, we learn about how the parents paid zero attention to their children.

4. Realize that when you have children, your life is over. Everything you do from the moment of their birth is all about them. That guy who played EQ over taking care of his kid? A perfect example of how not to be. Sure, you can sneak in some time for yourself here and there, but don\’e2\’80\’99t count on having much free time.

There they are; four simple rules. There\’e2\’80\’99s no need to target video games as a source of violence. Video games are video games. Lack of parental concern is what causes violence. Lack of parental responsibility. Lack of parental control over their kids.

The government doesn\’e2\’80\’99t trust parents these days. And it is the parents\’e2\’80\’99 fault. Let\’e2\’80\’99s see what we can do about this, ok?

And leave my God damned video games alone. I waited 21 years. I\’e2\’80\’99ve earned this.