Clearly, We Do Not Deserve Nice Things And/Or People

Because this entire episode has convinced me that gamers are really, really stupid I’m going to use very small sentences and lots of pictures.

Assassin’s Creed is a really fun game.


Assassin’s Creed was made by a fairly large group of people.


As you can see from the last picture, one of them, the producer as it turns out, is a fairly attractive, and well-spoken young woman.


Ubisoft marketing took advantage of one of the team members being well-spoken and photogenic. The gaming press reacted…


…well… let’s just say restraining orders may be needed.


In fact, you might wonder if Jade Raymond’s Assassin’s Creed was an actual game, or if the entire purpose of creating a next-generation free-form adventure game set in the Crusades was simply an excuse to post pictures of pretty girls. The Internet is apparently short of these.

Hey, look, more!


This is from the unofficial Jade Raymond fan site. I wonder if my producer will ever get an unofficial fan site. Since he’s not very pretty, probably not.

But this is all just harmless fun, right? Right? Surely we can take the genre-bending spectacle of an actual gee-she’s-purty she-smells-nice can-I-see-the-rabbits-george woman in a significant game development role and not make something awful from it?

Yeah, whatever. This is the Internet. We break everything.


That vile little comic (trust me, it gets a lot more offensive) is now famous because Ubisoft is trying to sue it out of existence. Apparently they only like creepy Jade Raymond fanservice if it’s happy creepy fanservice. Or if it’s done by real game journalists.


By the way, Assassin’s Creed is really fun. For some reason I thought I should bring that up again. You know, in case seeing pictures of a real girl makes you forget. Apparently this is a problem many people have.


Other commentary on how we can’t have nice people (warning: both are apparently written by real girls and as has been shown, we just can’t handle this):
Game Girl Advance

The always readable Sanya Weathers (who is also a real girl, but moreover also can and will kick your ass) has well-thought-out points as well.