DONT LAUGH. HE HAS A PUBLISHER. [Author: Arcadian Del Sol]

It is official. Everybody on the face of God’s Green Earth, with the single exception of Sierra On-Line, is developing an online internet multiplayer game.

Wrestling relic Rowdy Roddy “I’m not Scottish, I’m from Portland” Piper has inked a deal with Kellogg Creek Software to develop an online strategy game “…based on the world of professional wrestling.”

“There is little question that Roddy is one of the most recognizable characters in the wrestling world,” Chase commented, “and with his reputation as an innovator and master entertainer, this is a wonderful opportunity for both of us. I know as much about wrestling as he does about computers, so we should make a great tag team!”

Let me tell you something, brother. I have never heard a better recipie for disaster. One of the most recognizable characters in the wrestling world? Yeah, maybe FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. And even then, he only played a supporting role to Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. And as for his hollywood career, “They Live!” is definitely something he needs to leave OFF OF HIS RESUME. And call me a sceptic, but I’m fairly certain, given that professional wrestling IS ENTIRELY SCRIPTED, that there is not a great deal of room for creative strategy.

Before you take the press release’s word and pre-order your copy of “Roddy’s Ring”, let me offer you a few disclaimers:

1. Roddy Piper is not Scottish

2. Kellogg Creek is not associated with the makers of Frosted Flakes, or the Daikatana level-builder with the “will work for silicon” sign.

3. Professional Wrestling has a tighter script than an Ultima Online Roleplayer Event.

4. Short, soft-bellied men from Oregon being interviewed by Mean Gene Okerlund is ancient history.

5. The target demographic for this game has no idea who this guy is, and why he is any big deal.

On the plus side, there wont be any slugs.

Or kilts.

Or PKs.

Or players.

Ye Olde Linkages

The Kellogg Creek Press Release.

It is a marvel.

The Kellogg Creek website

For those of you who cant figure out how to find it from the press release.

The makers of Frosted Flakes

Join Tony’s Club

Will Work For Implants Official Website

Currently being updated by her bitch, John Romero.

Roddy Piper Website

I came here to chew bubble gum and look at the chubby has-been. And I’m all out of bubble gum.