FROM THE INSURANCE FIRM OF MOORE, SCHILLING & HUCKSTER [Author: Arcadian Del Sol]

Thank you Mr. Huckster.

I’ve updated the money page which you can access somewhere on the front page of this website – hrm. Maybe this is part of the problem…

But that aside,

Most of you noticed that we actually sold a banner this previous month. I am happy to report that we here at Lumthemad.net have solved the broken ad banner industry single-handedly (okay, technically there are alot of hands here, but you get the point). We dont have banners that invite you to electrocute primates with a cattle prod, nor do we pop you in the monitor with devices with which to record and upload your own amateur voyeur films of the next door neighbor tending to her garden (what?? what’s so funny about that?). Instead, we’re actively seeking out products and services that we feel are of an interest to our readers, thus ensuring that many of you, if not most of you, will actually click through the ads to see what lies at the bottom of the rabbit hole. According to leading industry watchdogs the average click-through rate is around 0.3 percent. That means for every ten of you…. uhm….. for everyone one hundred of you…. erhm…. one third of one of you clicks through a banner ad. Dammit, it is a small number, okay?

Anywhoo, the Avernum ad had 200k impressions, and of those 200k, 2,199 of you clicked the ad and checked out them out. According to someone I asked who understands numbers and math and what all those symbols over the numer keys are used for, this comes out to a 1.1% ratio. In a phrase, “you guys kick ass.”

So attention internet banner ad industry: We Are Your Savior. The answer isn’t bigger ads and more ads and popping ads up so that the [X] button is just beyond the edge of the screen! The answer is taking ads for products that your readers are likely to find interesting. There is a reason why young women don’t ask their mothers about personal ‘freshness’ during the half-time break of Monay Night Football. There is a reason why you see ads for Fram Oil Filters and images of some average guy’s stomach next to a bottle of beer, instead.

So if you have marketing dollars, and a banner suitable for in-frame uhm.. framing (?), then you dont want to waste your money on some jive-assed 0.3% website. Come see us here at lumthemad.net because everybody rides away with a New Car here at LumtheMad.net – we’re MAD MAD MAD and we’re GIVING CARS AWAY UNTIL THEY LOCK US UP! BAD CREDIT?! FORGET IT! I’LL SWIM IN THREE FEET OF FLORIDA SHORELINE TO PUT YOU IN A NEW CAR TODAY!