GRRR, I’M A BIG BAD DEMON… OOH, A TWINKIE! [Author: Savant]
A quick background before we continue. The bumpfuzzler’s of the CoD Discussion Boards have been covered here before, and for the most part, I disagreed with the viewpoints of the prior authors. After all, it is just a message board consisting mostly of individuals who know each other well, and it’s well within their right to be silly. However, in this past month, the board has taken a turn. What was once mindless banter and some silly bumpfuzzling, has turned into a sexually charged “romper room.” This, on its own, is again not a problem – Please refer back to the part where I say it’s just a message board and people have their rights. The focus of this story has to do with one new specific member to that community, “Dawn Under.” Even by the previous standards of the board, she’s an incorrigible flirt. Mmmkay? Moving on.
The problem contained within this story does not have to do with the actions of that board or the individuals there, but the fact that these biases suspiciously find their way into a game, with complete disregard to the immersion and suspension of disbelief. Let’s start with the first screenshot.
“Want a Hostess Twinkie?”
To simple folk like me, it’s easy: the admin-run character should ignore that question. You’re offering a brand name Twinkie to a big bad demon… Believe it or not, he accepts.
Why stop there? Suppose you offer a a big bad demon a fruit pie. What would a simple person like me think? Ok, the first time might have been in good fun (Turbine is known for having a great sense of humor), and this time he’ll ignore it. Right?
Not only does he accept, but he “munches away.”
After that, the big bad demon left. You’d think it was over.
Are you trying to tell me that an admin-run big bad demon just summoned someone to a isolate location after they gave it hostess Twinkies and fruit pies? Ok, I’ll bite. He’s going to kill her now for her stupidity?
Just in case you missed it: “YOUR TASTY TREATS HAVE PLEASED THIS DEMON’S TUMMY…”
Ahh, I get it. Joke is on me, right? This is one of those Windfeather type jokes where you gotta really pay attention to get the punch line, and it’s coming up any minute now…
Tell me I didn’t just read that this big bad demon buffed someone who gave him a Hostess Twinkie. Just in case you had any doubt, here are the spells on her “Spells in Effect” list.
Call me an optimist, but at this point I still hoped these were horrid debuffs masked as positive spells.
Quite frankly, I’m not quite sure what to make of this. On one hand most of my skepticism is put to rest due to Turbine’s history for taking things lightly. On the other hand, the logical side of my brain tells me: “What are you stupid? This is a shameless flirt from a board the guys running this demon come to. They have penises and are being unprofessional and biased. Can’t you do the math?”
This is supposed to be the biggest, baddest demon known to the entire game thus far. It’s the demon you swear loyalty to in order to become PK, and he’s accepting Hostess Twinkies, munching away, and then summoning the individual who gave him the Twinkies to an isolated location to buff her?
I’ll leave you with one final screenshot, in case you had any doubt.
