If you haven’t already, go here. Now. Check the first paragraph.

Right now – this very second – I am doing something that could get me banned.

I’m macroing while writing this web page. Starting a new character on Sonoma and macroing at Brit guard tower. Hey, come get me if you read this fast enough… I’m helpfully named Lum the Mad. I’m the guy hitting a dummy with my s00per newbie spear and checking out the sweet butt of the guy next to me over and over again.

Because you know what? If I do get banned for macroing – and I plan on making no effort whatsoever to hide it – that will be the final straw. I will quit Ultima Online and find something more productive to use my $10 a month and far more worth of time online.

Out of 100 players, 98 have macroed. Guaranteed. The game system is designed that way. Unless you have no intention of ever engaging in player vs player combat, and for that matter pretty much intend to relegate yourself to maybe beating up the occasional ratman in between hanging out at your tavern, if you do not macro, your character is inferior and will DIE. Constantly.

Not to mention the fact that many skills are just incredibly BORING. Mining. Anatomy. Evaluate Intelligence. Fishing. Magery. The list is long and painful, those are just what I personally have macroed.

OSI even has macroing built into the client.

The kicker is “unattend macroing” – aka actually going off and doing something productive. Although currently it’s cute to be all coy and shit and say “Oh, I NEVER use Banned Third Party Utilities”, everyone either uses UO Assist (if they’re ethical) or UO Extreme (if they’re a pud) or UO Plugin (if they’re a clueless pud). Because they allow you to actually use your computer for something else (like, say, updating a web page) while doing mindless makework in UO.

I don’t play UO to bash on a macro execute key all day. I play UO to engage in interaction with other human beings. Your mileage may vary, I imagine, but even the most hardcore roleplayer, if they’re honest, macros. EVERYONE macros.

Except for the fucking clueless dev team who never fucking plays UO without a fucking jacked up supercharacter that avoids ever having to actually fucking gain skills.

If Designer Dragon or Runesabre or Sunsword or even perish the thought Lord British or Blackthorne had to actually MAKE A NEW CHARACTER, they’d never do it. They are adults with lives.

And so are we, spudboys, so are we.

So go ahead, bust my ass for macroing on a stupid bunny. Do it. I fucking dare you. Hell, if a GM asks I’ll email em where my house is. I WANT you to ban me.

I won’t reassign my password and get around the ban like every other chickenshit exploiter either.

Because you know what? We’re ALL exploiters now, my friends. ALL OF US. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. EVERY SINGLE LAST FUCKING ONE OF US.

Be honest. You know you are. And you know the only honorable thing to do is what I do – to call the GMs and dev team on their bluff. They want to ban everyone for macroing, FINE.

It’ll be a mighty empty game. And the GMs and all their little butt buddies will have no lag whatsoever.

Lum The Mad As Hell, signing off.

EVILMACROEXPLOITERUPDATE: Right now our entire guild is staring at our leader’s butt. We are told this is some sort of initiation rite. At any event we are macroing staring at our leader’s butt unattended. So any GMs slacking off reading this site instead of doing their jobs are welcome to find and ban the lot of us. Once again, we’re on Sonoma, and I’m Lum the Mad, and we’re somewhere north of Minoc, all contemplating the fact that our leader is in fact an ass. Aw come on, ban us! It’d be fun!