Political Handicapping: New Hampshire Edition

Because like Mr. Funtax, everyone care about my political opinions thanks to my position in computer games and general bloggery!

I am biased here: I like Barack Obama a lot. I have often griped how politicians talk to us like seven year olds. He doesn’t. He actually treats the electorate as adults. What’s more, he’s the only one running who seems to recognize that the slash-and-burn politics of the past 25 years or so isn’t working out too well in practice any more. Whereas Hillary’s message (and the Republicans, for that matter, with the exception of Huckabee) can be boiled down to “I will accomplish my goals by DESTROYING ANYONE IN MY PATH”, Obama’s is more one of reconciliation and consensus. Which, a bit of research shows, is more than just talk. So, that being said, fired up and ready to go, the handicapping!


Barack Obama: 1st Huge momentum coming out of Iowa, and his debate performances were good. Polls show double-digit leads. He’s got this one, and South Carolina as well. Super Tuesday will be the crunch time, but for now it’s Obam-a-go-go.

Hillary Clinton: 2nd Most people have her coming in 3rd, but I suspect Obama is actually drawing most of his support from Edwards voters. It’ll be close either way, and she’s in it until at least Super Tuesday (and most likely the convention).

John Edwards: 3rd You know, John Edwards has to be pissed right now, because he’s been running his election straight from James Carville and Karl Rove’s playbook and he’s still in third everywhere. And his lashing out in debates, and most recently at Hillary for daring to show emotion in public this afternoon, shows that. I suspect after Tuesday he’ll bow out to make a play for being on an Obama/Edwards ticket (and everyone I talk to thinks Obama will pick James Webb instead) (admittedly these are mostly game developers and message boards) (oh like you have better contacts) (ok I’ll stop)

Bill Richardson: Who? Will drop out after New Hampshire and join the Clinton campaign.

Dennis Kucinich: Wha? At this point I think he’s in it solely for the snacks.


John McCain: 1st Ordinarily, I would be all over a McCain presidency (I supported him last time he ran) but since then Iraq happened and he’s wrong about pretty much every post-9/11 issue. Still, he’s the best the Republicans have.

Mike Huckabee: 2nd I confess to bumping up Huckabee solely because I hope that Romney gets a sharp poke in the eye. In any event he doesn’t have the national infrastructure, nor any hope in hell of winning the general election. Still, he’s honest, he knows what he believes, and people respect that. Given the choices, well, that’s why he’s doing as well as he is. Plus, if you don’t vote Huckabee Chuck Norris WILL kick your ass.

Mitt Romney: 3rd Romney is everything that is wrong with our electoral system made manifest. He’s a smug millionaire who is trying to buy the nomination through buying as much sludge as the stations will sell him air time to sling it, only to primly declare that personal attacks are crude when called on it. Not to mention the fact that he turned from a moderate Republican governor of Massa-frikin-chusetts to a Bush neocon clone solely because some focus group told him it would get him nominated, which implies that everything he believes is negotiable. I not only hope he comes in 3rd and promptly drops out of the race, I also hope Chuck Norris punches him square in the nose.

Rudy Guiliani: 4th At some point Guiliani should win a primary. The question remains whether the convention will take place before or after that point.

Fred Thompson: Zzz I bet Fred wishes it was 60 years ago and you could get the nomination through giving out the best cigars. I bet Fred has great cigars. I bet he has them flown in from Cuba. I don’t actually smoke cigars, but I bet Fred’s are the best. I bet Fred will continue not to actually run because it’s too much like work.

RON PAUL, BITCHES: YEAH YOU KNOW IT RAAAR He’s going to win a primary when no one’s looking and then we’ll ALL be sorry. No, actually he’s gonna drop out soon and focus on his Libertarian Party bid. Too bad, Ron Paul made the debates fun. Maybe the Republicans can adopt Mike Gravel.