Broken Toys

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WE ALSO FOUND OUT THE CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN IS REALLY RICKY MARTIN'S FATHER

Many of you who read our report from the desert this weekend were struck with curiosity over the identity of the mysterious “Gordon”. (Many others accused me of making him up.) So, we found out who he is, really.

What most of you REALLY wanted was more LadyMOI, and we’re working on doing an interview/feature article with her sometime next week. However, there will be no RealVideo footage involving string bikinis, so it won’t be ALL that you requested.

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Look Upon Thy Works, You

When I was a young punk I dyed my hair, sneered at everyone, and thought “Kill your parents” was an arch joke. Now my generation dyes their hair (to hide the grey), sneers at the camera, and exhorts you to let your parents die for their stock options. We have

Pretty Hearthstone Machine

you are the perfect draw the perfect draw the perfect draw

The Stab In The Back

As entertainment a while back, I used to tell the story of World War One. It was great fun at parties. I’d get rolling during work lunches at bougie little lunch places, and half of the establishment would be staring balefully at our table around the time I cut